In a heartbreaking turn of events that has royal observers clutching their pearls (and their wallets), the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are reportedly reeling from a devastating $15 million blow after Meghan Markle’s much-hyped lifestyle brand **As Ever** apparently… well, didn’t sell as ever.
Yes, you read that right. The woman who once sold out raspberry spreads in under an hour (or so the PR spin went) is now sitting on mountains of unsold jam jars, candles that smell suspiciously like “notes of compost,” and enough flower sprinkles to decorate a wedding nobody’s attending. Sources (the kind that whisper in dark corners of Montecito) confirm the couple has “lost at least $15 million” from this dead-on-arrival inventory disaster. That’s right – **dead As Ever sales**. The brand that promised “elevated gestures of care” now needs some serious prayers and thoughts itself.
Just look at the visual evidence of this tragedy:
Here’s Meghan, looking utterly devastated as her precious product faces the cold, cruel world of public mockery:
And another heartbreaking shot of what appears to be Meghan reduced to tears over yet another widely ridiculed launch attempt:
The website glitch that exposed the ugly truth was nothing short of karmic poetry: hundreds of thousands of unsold units totaling around $21.8 million in retail value just… sitting there. Jars of marmalade staring back like judgmental little eyes. Candles that refuse to burn (much like the brand’s momentum). And don’t get us started on the wine – because apparently, even Napa Valley couldn’t save this sinking ship.
Insiders are whispering that the couple is in absolute turmoil. “They’re devastated,” one source (who definitely isn’t making this up) said. “Harry’s pacing the Montecito mansion wondering how they’ll afford the next private jet fuel-up, while Meghan is furiously rewriting her next cookbook to include a chapter called ‘How to Turn Unsold Jam into Emotional Support’.”
But the real gut-punch? If things get truly tragic – and God forbid they do – everyone agrees: **the kids will be alright**. Archie and Lilibet could always go live with Aunt Kate and Uncle Bill. You know, the ones with the actual palace, stable finances, and zero unsold flower sprinkles gathering dust in a warehouse. Imagine the wholesome royal upbringing those little ones would get – no more flower-sprinkled chaos, just good old-fashioned corgi walks and future throne vibes.
Meanwhile, the Sussexes are left to contemplate their empire of overstock. Was it the “runny” jams? The candles with suspiciously low wick action? Or perhaps the fact that the world decided Meghan’s “thoughtful small moments” are better left as memes than purchases?
Karma, as they say, spreads thick – thicker than whatever’s in those $42 gift boxes. Right now, our thoughts and prayers are with the couple as they navigate this $15 million meltdown. May their remaining inventory find peace in a distant landfill, and may the children… well, thrive under more reliable guardians.
Because in the end, when your lifestyle brand becomes a lifestyle cautionary tale, sometimes the only thing left to do is hope the kids are alright. And honestly? They probably will be – far away from the jam jar graveyard.
Stay strong, Harry and Meghan. The universe is watching… and probably laughing through tears of laughter. 🍓😢
serves them right, spending money like it was going out of style. Meghan wearing outfits costing in the thousands and no thoughts of donating to the need. Karma raised its beautful head !