Meghan Markle and Prince Harry’s latest vanity project has spectacularly bombed, proving once again that the runaway royals’ Archewell empire is little more than a string of expensive failures dressed up as “empowerment.” Their Girl Scout cookie documentary Cookie Queens — the couple’s first theatrical feature as executive producers — opened August 7, 2026, and was left with crumbs. It scraped in just $327,000–$354,000 across 446 theaters, a pitiful $735 per screen average, and ranked as low as 15th for the weekend.
Even more humiliating? It was beaten by CatVideoFest 2026, a 70-minute compilation of internet cat videos that pulled in more money from far fewer screens. Industry sources called the return “pretty pitiful.” Critics may have handed it a 94% Rotten Tomatoes score for being “charming” and “adorable,” but audiences simply stayed away. One expert blamed the late-summer release timing as a massive misstep for a small documentary that never stood a chance against blockbusters and, yes, cats.
This is pure Meghan and Harry in a nutshell. They quit the royal family, cashing in on sob stories and Netflix deals, only to deliver one half-baked offering after another. From the Spotify podcast that fizzled after one season (with executives reportedly calling them “grifters”) to underwhelming Netflix series and a lifestyle brand that keeps stumbling, everything they touch seems to turn mediocre at best. Cookie Queens was supposed to be their “feel-good” theatrical debut under Archewell Productions — Meghan even milked her own Girl Scout past for promotion, posing with kids and talking about how it moved her as a parent. The result? Empty theaters and public mockery.
Harry, once a working royal with real public service, continues to enable this endless cycle of self-promotion and under-delivery. The pair positioned themselves as Hollywood players after their dramatic exit, but the numbers don’t lie: audiences have lost interest in their carefully curated image. A documentary about cookie sales becoming a box-office disaster — outsold by literal cat videos — is the perfect metaphor for a brand built on entitlement and empty hype.
Critics of the film itself noted it felt like a “reality-show ramble” lacking depth or history, more focused on cute kids than substance. But the real story is the Sussexes’ consistent inability to turn royal fame into lasting success outside the palace walls. Everything mediocre Meghan Markle attaches her name to seems to crumble, and Harry’s willingness to bankroll the next flop only deepens the embarrassment.
The Montecito duo can keep smiling for the cameras and claiming “big dreams start small.” The box office receipts — and the cats that outsold them — say otherwise. Another day, another Archewell disaster.
